replies to questions and colors

questions:
1.) Who do you think has had a bigger influence on you between the ages of 10 and 14?

• i think my senseis from jujitsu did, actually. i was really serious about jujitsu at this point, and this was where i began to change from a painfully shy, quiet, awkward bookworm into someone more outgoing, assertive, self-sufficient, and more confident. i like to think now that instead of leading a double life the way i used to, now i am able to meld the two opposite personalities together into who i am, thanks to them.

2.) When confronted with a choice, do you go for the one with the biggest reward, or the one with the lower risk?

• probably half and half. it really depends on my "frame of mind" when it comes to decision time, and what stakes the choice involves. and i believe i look for both, not either/or. what will give me the biggest bang for my buck kind of thing, while putting in the least risk? i think lately though, i've been getting more ambitious and going for the bigger reward.

3.) If you could take one item onto a deserted island that you'd have to live on for the rest of your life, what would it be (and no "a boat" or beacon answers)?

• oh these deserted island questions....ummm...previous answers have included my journal, a bottle of tequila, and toilet paper. i think i'm going to err on the practical side and ask for a machete. or a lighter.

4.) What question do you most want answered?

• how do we cure cancer?
  

5.) What would you do if you were sent back in time to the day you were born?

• hahaha...um. take care of my mom in postpartum? make sure i got all my shots. test my babinsky reflex. XD
  

6.) Do you feel like you are completely honest with people and that there is someone on this earth that truly knows you, good and bad?

• i'm honest with one person. i feel like that person practically has the power to destroy me. and i hope that a couple people truly know me, good and bad. thankfully, they haven't killed me yet. :)

anthony, are you going to answer your own questions? hmm?

the colorgenics test:
wow. i've taken similar tests before...but i don't think i've ever felt like a personality test ever pinpointed my thoughts so accurately. too accurately, in fact, to the point where i'm not even sure that i could have expressed them a fraction as well as this color test just did. my mind is basically stuttering and struggling for words at the moment. i feel like the colorgenics test results shot a spork into my heart. i guess i admit some of it is a little off. but for the most part...it's so true it's frightening.

Name: Bessie
Date: 2/20/2009
Colorgenics Number: 27160354

You are trying to prove to others that nothing can really affect you. You are pretending to be stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure and indeed even superior to any form of weakness. As a result, more often than not, you unfortunately act with undue harshness or severity by adopting an autocratic and self-willed attitude.

You are lazy - you dream of a peaceful, calm, uncluttered and uncomplicated life. Your ideal would be to share a permanent base with some person or persons who would be able to demonstrate on-going love, peace and security.

You feel tired - worn out and listless. The last thing that you want to do is to be in an open conflict with those around you that are forever tormenting you. What to do? That's the rub. You are feeling that you are being choked - unable to breathe.

For some time now your hopes and expectations have been denied and because of this you are becoming withdrawn and introverted. Continual disappointment has manifested itself in you becoming both suspicious and restrained you have become withdrawn from others and have receded more and more into yourself. You seem to have lost your innate enthusiasm and imaginative nature, for fear that you may be carried away by it only to find that you are wasting your time. You are loath to trust people, as in the past your trust has been misplaced. You seem to be keeping yourself cautiously aloof from others. At this moment in time your attitude is to trust nobody - until they can prove themselves to you.

You are presently worried about your future and you feel that whatever you do will go wrong. At this time you are your own worst enemy. All the disappointment that you have experienced, coupled with the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals, have led to anxiety. You would like recognition and a position of trust but you are concerned that these hopes and dreams may not be realised. You are very argumentative and insistent that you are right - maybe you are - but you are pushing too hard. Take it easy, let go, and smile. Smiling and agreeing with people works wonders - try it and see.