highlights: thanksgiving 2010 in new york

wednesday:

-megabus up to the big apple = $27.00. sat next to a quiet guy who read and napped = awesome. sat in front of asian kid who played his DS and was very vocal throughout the trip = not so awesome. free wifi definitely helped a 4-5 hr turned 6-7 hr bus ride more tolerable.

-met up with bin in the classiest lobby of the swankiest building of my life, aka JP Morgan.

-dropped off my stuff at their super cool apartment in the kiehl's building near NYU and union square and went for a quick tour of NYU.

-dinner at ippudo: delicious ramen, kalbi beef with lime jello sauce and mushrooms, and chu-hai with fresh grapefruit juice you squeezed yourself with a juicer they brought you.

-back to the apartment, met bin's roommates, and then went out to the smith with ravi and had a few beers and the pink pussy ice cream sundae with red velvet cake. convinced bin that photobooth pics were a good idea. and they were.

-met up with bin's friends alyssa and marica at piano, some bar in the lower east side. this has been so far the only bar i've been to with more guys than girls trying to get in, and the bouncers were only letting girls in. we got in because bin was with me, and i have swagger. haha! had shots of tequila and then gin and tonic, and danced away until 4:30 am with bin. meet pierre, this french guy towards the end of the night, and he gives me his number.

-drunk food at artichoke which bin swears is the best pizza in NY: two huge spinach artichoke slices with white sauce and TONS of cheese (the specialty), a slice of margherita, and a slice of sicilian. i can barely finish a slice of the spinach artichoke, but it is fucking delicious.

thursday:

-slept in all morning til 1 pm.

-ate the slice of margherita pizza for breakfast. still fucking delicious.

-bin wakes up at 3 pm. hahaha.

-we decide to get thanksgiving dinner reservations at les halles, anthony bourdain's restaurant, with bin's friend humai, and go on a meat filled food tour before dinner (sausages, meatballs, etc.)

-none of the places bin took me to were open save for this amazing little german hole in the wall that we stumbled into. had THE BEST SAUSAGE OF MY LIFE. curry wurst = sausage with tomato-y curry sauce and fries. also, very light and refreshing wheat beer that i can't remember the name of.

-this greek guy at the sausage place makes very long and interesting conversation with bin and i. he is insistent that i move to new york immediately. and i rather agree with him, if i can have sausage like this all the time.

-dinner at les halles: roast turkey with fois gras and green beans, bin decided to have steak, and humai has salad. we share our desserts: banana flambee with coconut ice cream, pecan pie with vanilla ice cream, and the most decadent chocolate mousse. thumbs up mr. bourdain.

-back at the apartment, we watch youtube cat videos of maru the cat and weed through resumes of college kids trying to apply for jobs at JP morgan until bedtime.

friday:

-slept in again. bin went to his office for a couple of hours. meet up with marica and alyssa at the met. the met RULES.

-meet up with bin for THE BEST UDON NOODLES OF MY LIFE. they make the udon fresh in front of you. and i get the curry beef b/c i am still on a curry high from the curry wurst. and it definitely lives up to my expectations.

-marica, bin, and i go to the moma and meet up with bin's friend christina. the moma RULES.

-christina, bin, and i get dinner at boka: korean. dinner: beef soon doo bu, righteous korean fried chicken, pickled daikon radish, and sizzling fried tofu with kimchee, which doesn't sound so fancy, but OMG. it blew my world apart. we eat everything.

-we go for a crazy hunt for korean ginger tea, and end up at this japanese tea house. i get some genmai cha, bin gets white tea, and christina get some black tea.

-christina is still craving korean ginger tea, we buy some at a konbini type store and go back to bin's apt to experiment with it. we make it with a little too much cinnamon, but it tastes pretty decent anyways.

saturday:

-another late morning. i try to get some work done, but end up just listening to bon iver and enjoying being lazy on the couch.

-bin takes me to have brunch at spitzer's: we share vanilla pancakes with fresh berries, stumptown coffee, and crispy crispy bacon.

-wander around soho to work up an appetite for 'lunch'. marica meets us at uniqlo. spoils of soho shoppign: sweater tights from uniqlo, a ring, umbrella socks, and a complexly fashion forward top from top shop. there are many many other things i want, but shouldn't buy.

-alex meets us for a late lunch at new green bo: pork soup dumplings, green onion pancakes, sauteed sichuan eggplant with rice. OMNOMNOM.

-go back to the apt to change and meet marica in times square for off broadway avenue q. marica got half price tickets and we sat in the 4th row. an usher did back handsprings while we waited for curtains to rise. tried not to sing along, but failed. it was FANTASTIC. :)

-met up with bin and all 3 of his roommates (ravi, nick, matt) at city crab for oysters and drinks. moved to a beer bar, sampled all the beers on tap, and settled on one. bin is baller and pay for all my drinks. made everyone play fantasy threesome game. other friends meet us and leave us. a few of us moved to another bar/club, where we try to get into the scene, but it doesn't quite work. but still ballin, as my baller cousin and his roommate pay for my cover and drinks.

-marica decides to spend the night, so we go back to the apt with a good buzz and ravi, bin, marica, and i change into jammies and hang out on ravi's bed with ravi's bear collection. ravi makes sure we each get a bear to sleep with, (i get gordy) and we turn in.

sunday:

-wake up very very late. make plans for brunch with bin's friend liz at the smith at 2 pm, and make plans to meet alex and hang out for bit before then.

-alex meets me at bin's apt and we go to the strand, a bookstore that boasts "18 miles of books". meander along the art books, the comic books, the banned literature section. visit a huge halloween store that has a lifesize bust of darth vader with his mask off from return of the jedi and geek out a little.

-brunch: smoked salmon eggs benedict with home fries, hot coffee, and a bloody mary. best fucking brunch of my life. bin thinks i am an eggs benedict kind of person. i think he's right.

-go back to the apt and can't think of anything to do that doesn't involve food. ravi makes french press and then we finally decide to hit the holiday market at union square until dinner, since we aren't hungry enough to do food tours.

-the holiday market reminds me of the street fairs in seattle...kitschy and cute and fun to poke around.

-go to yakitori bar with bin and christina for dinner: assorted yakitori platter which includes chicken skin, chicken heart, and pork belly. we also get creamy salmon spaghetti and grilled chasu pork with avocado, which is surprisingly very very tasty together.

-pack up and bin hails me a cab over to the bolt bus stop, and catch the 10 pm bus back to DC.

-roll into my apt around 3 am, missing the big city and all the food, and not wanting to go to work at 7 am.

the alpha, the omega, and keep moving forward

on my last day in seattle, we visited seattle u for a nostalgic walk about campus. things were so different. people i didn't recognize, new buildings, new paint, new furniture, new pavement. and yet, things were the same. i felt the same sense of home, the same sense of this dense little microcosm of a world that focused on student life. and it was so painfully clear that i am no longer a student, but an alumni, a visitor.

on our way out, i visited the chapel, just to see it one more time, to feel the beeswax wall one more time. and i sat and looked around, and tried to keep the lump in my throat at bay, but failed. i looked at the altar, at the alpha and the omega. and i came to realize something. this is neither the beginning, nor the end. i am not at the end. i'm smack in the middle of this ridiculous journey, and i have to respond to this challenge, this obliteration of what i know. i have to haul out the little courage i have, and keep my fear from consuming me entirely. and i have to trust that i will somehow make it through this, and that while everything is changing drastically, i have so much love, and so much support from my family and friends, that it would be impossible for me to fail in their eyes. and i can keep moving forward, knowing that they are behind me, and beside me, and cheering me on.

keep moving forward is the moral of the story from disney's meet the robinsons. it is a highly underrated movie, and i love it immensely. i love the cheesiness, the humor, the story, but most of all, i love the message. to keep moving forward, to not look backwards for very long. i have been repeating these three words to myself over and over. keep moving forward. keep moving forward.

they say that what doesn't kill us makes us who we are.

i am going to washington d.c. for those who haven't heard, i got the job there, at washington hospital center, on the cardiac unit. i start on oct 18th, and am flying out there for a physical on the 8th and to try and find a place to live.

i am:

-terrified

-excited

-exceedingly sad to leave seattle and everyone i love here.

-trying not to be sad about leaving

-constantly nostalgic for all the little routines and rituals i have come to know.

-mostly optimistic about the adventure and starting fresh.

-apprehensive about the total culture and life shock i am about to experience.

well...apart from being a giant ball of feelings, the days have been going by easier than i expected. maybe they'll get harder as we count down, but for now, i'm getting by. leaving with this:

"This is the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present, because immortal."

-William Penn, More Fruits of Solitude

i don't know what to do with my life.

sooo...after a summer of sitting in a cubicle and worry-warting about why i haven't gotten anywhere with the job hunt, i suddenly find myself in a very odd situation. and i have no idea how to proceed. so, prepare yourself for a plethora of lengthy, haphazardly digressive speech.

first things first, i have an interview for a residency in washington dc. it's on sept 24th, and i'm flying out for a day. i told my parents once i got the confirmation email about it, and surprise of all surprises, they were both REALLY SUPPORTIVE and really excited about it. i feel like i'm in inception or something and i'm going to wake up somewhere crazy, because they've been kind of been pushing for me to go back to california this whole time. and so this is all very very exciting, especially since my girl natalie got the job!! it definitely has been a big reassurance that she's going through the same thing and that there's a possibility we might do this together! (i am trying to squeeze out all the silver linings i can!) but at the same time, it's absolutely TERRIFYING. hauling ass to the east coast? if i get the job, i have to leave seattle in two weeks and adjust to a completely new city all over again. as everyone keeps telling me, this is the best fucking time for me to pick up and just leave and experience something new and different, but thinking about leaving everyone and everything i've come to know and love here...well, it's incredibly sad and i can't even begin to process any of that yet.

next, i had a mini interview for another residency at providence hospital in everett. it was just a 5 minute meet and greet info session sort of thing, and so i'm waiting to hear back from them as to whether i can move on to a real interview. i think i did well, and the hospital sounds/looks fantastic, they're doing a lot of construction and opening a new campus, and the residency program is good too. this is sort of on the back burner as compared to DC, but god...i guess it's still on the table, and when push comes to shove, i don't know which one i would rather pick. both programs are good, but there's a good possibility that i would be able to start in critical care with everett, which is eventually what i want to do. the only thing is...do i want to be an hour north of seattle by myself?

so, both of these things came up so suddenly, and even though nothing has actually happened, my mind just started getting ahead of itself, and everything just seemed so overwhelming and unbearable. i keep saying this, but i keep feeling like i'm just counting chickens before they hatch...all these half baked plans that have a very real possibility of not going through. i feel silly for all these little panics i've been having, just periods of utter doubt in myself...i think because i'm feeling so on pause right now, like i'm waiting for my life to start, because there really isn't much that's grounding me. everything is temporary, a weird transitional and existential patch. and i dunno if it's this office job or whatever, but i feel so trapped at the same time, like all my future is going to consist of is staying in the lines, paying off loans and building up a 401k, and getting 2 weeks of vacation a year. my own little boring slice of the american dream pie. and then i die. it's all very depressing...mostly because it's true. i just feel so disillusioned and disenchanted with this lifestyle that so many people just seem to accept. like i'm not allowed to do anything but these things, because it would be irresponsible. i dunno. rambling.

finally....i got an email from the supervisor on my senior prac floor at swedish ICU, and she said that they were going to open a couple positions soon, and to apply and let her know so she can flag my name for the recruiter...applied for that today, and cannot believe the ridiculous timing! i emailed her weeks ago about any openings, and of all times, now is when i get an 'in' to swedish.

shit is just getting too real, too fast.

registered....ACTIVATED!

I CAN PUT AN RN, BSN AFTER MY NAME NOW. it's crazy town!! i got through nursing school, somehow, and passed the NCLEX, by the grace of god a little luck, and the prayers of good people. hahaha. it scares me a little how well i've progressed on the plans i've laid out, despite them being pretty short and achievable (i think?). well, bottom line...i am officially status ACTIVE. go me!

i am also realizing the huge importance of job satisfaction as a factor to happiness, work enthusiasm, and productivity. every day, i am thankful to have a job. well, internship. but every day, i don't want to go into work to stare at a computer and wrestle with why the software doesn't do what i want it to do. i get up every hour to go to the bathroom, get coffee, do anything else than be at my cubicle and crunch through excel sheets. i want a real job!!! and its getting more and more depressing when i see facebook statuses updated with people getting jobs and starting their first days. it seems so easy for everyone else. but i guess i'm not really at grovelling point yet. i'll get there soon enough. @_@

so...now onto the hard stuff. finding a job, or a residency. somewhere. which means maybe i'll have to relocate. something that hasn't really hit me yet as a reality. i just can't wait to be out of that cubicle, i guess. but not quite ready to accept all the reponsibilities of growing up either? i don't know.

anyways, i want to end on a happy note, so here we go.

1) congratulations to all my friends who just made it out of the CON, and best wishes for all of your very very bright futures!!! :)

2) and also a shout out to the amazing and beautiful people who passed NCLEX, found jobs (grr! hahaha), and are going to rock the nursing world. my eternal affections go out to you. :D

life updates: i wish i had a less lame list name, but oh well.

-i graduated from nursing school...yay!
-i got a full time summer internship that pays! it's kinda boring, but could be worse. i never thought i would have a 9 to 5 job in a cubicle....BUT its a job.
-i'm sort of homeless...hahaha. currently crashing at christine and brian's place at the broadway building. an incredibly good location for people watching at cal anderson.
-i am taking the NCLEX on july 30th....insert nail biting/teeth grinding/profuse sweating/terribly short attention span/exponential increase in coffee consumption.
-i keep trying to study, but don't get very much done. summer just doesn't inspire me to hit the books. especially after graduation.

sooo...this is the master plan so far:
-pass the NCLEX RN licensure exam the first time.
-apply, interview, and get hired somewhere, hopefully the ICU where i had my senior practicum, when i get my license processed.
-once i get a steady income, get a better place to live.
-after getting some experience, and paying off my loans, save the world.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgggghhhh. i wish i had more concrete plans. and there's so much i want to do! i want to travel, and do amazing things. but i have loans to pay off and experience to get. all i know right now is that i want to stay with my friends up here and get my experience here. i've not yet had enough of seattle i guess. it's weird when you want things to tie you someplace and want to be free to cut loose any minute at the very same time. i wish i could articulate to you better what i'm feeling, but i can't even articulate this feeling of lostness to myself.

this made me feel better.

the celestial companion
Still, courage, my friend.
Still, all is not lost and you are not yet done.
Still, there are fires to burn in the darkness and light to cast amongst the shadows.
Still, there are moments that must be taken, fighting and spitting to the ground.
Still, nothing has killed us yet.
Still, the sky smiles on the brave.
Still, have the strength to try and hold the sun in the palm of your hand, once more.
Still, ever burning.
Still, the most beautiful things come from beneath the ground.
Still, the light is cast from the darkest of places.
Still, we labour on under the cover of stars.
Still, we know the truth rides high in our chests.
Still, the world has yet to end, no matter how hard any of us try.
Still.
Until we are still.
-I wrote this for you


i so needed to read this when i did. good luck to you, if you are struggling too.
i will not give up.