oh, irony.

just when i've decided that i want to start using my camera (a chubby sony cybershot dsc s600) and working on building some amateur photography skills...my camera decides to die. it makes all these angry noises at me, and the only thing it says is ACCESS on a big black screen. i tried taking it apart, but then i didn't know what to do from there...so i put it back together, and have achieved much of the same, unfortunately. i think this is retribution for taking it for granted for so long...

and yesterday, i was dreaming that we were in an earthquake. and then i woke up to the 5.8 earthquake (centered around chino hills, a good hour or so away). creepy. i wasn't scared at all...i just waited for it to stop and then went back to sleep. but i hope everyone is ok!

[tangent: blogging is really addicting!! this is my third in a row...!! i think i'm some sort of binge blogger...nervous laughter....um...i think i'm also blogging as procrastination.]

there was something else that i thought was ironic, but i truly cannot remember what it was. i've been wracking my brain, and just can't come up with it. so if i remember, i'll let you know.

tag...again!

i just realized...why the hell didn't i post this in my ACTUAL blog??? so here it is....

1) my right leg is rather unlucky. sprained ankle, 2 burns, and innumerable other mishaps, the most recent being a dramatic knee skid while running to cross the street, in heels and a dress, because i was late to an opera.

2) i love words, pardon my superfluous verbiage. i love lowercase. and properly used caesuras. i secretly like being challenged to write. (providing the challenge is a good one with purpose). and i write. a lot. it's my primary catharsis.

3) i would be totally screwed without friends, music, art, and chocolate. but most especially friends…you know who you are. ^__^

4) i am a first degree brown belt in jujitsu. i wrote my college essay on my 7 years practicing it. i should technically be a black belt, but i was too scared to test for it. i miss it all the time.

5) strange obsessions: duckies and sausage. XD

6) things i want to do in my lifetime: travel the world, swim with jellyfish, buy outrageously expensive shoes with my own money, and fall in love.

7) i mispronounce things constantly. they're known as bessie-isms, and the list grows ever longer. popular ones: archipelago, fuschia, salmon, etc. etc. etc.

8) it's a terrible habit, but i can never say no, without feeling horribly guilty (like can't-sleep-can't-think-of-anything-else kind of guilty). i also have this constant need to help others, to be the vault for one way secrets, to be involuntarily yet voluntarily the diplomatic advisor. I have thus come to blame it as my personality, as part of my inherent being and existence.

9) something i always note on first impressions: people's legs from the knee down. don't ask me why.

10) whenever i smell fried fish, fried eggs, or fried spam, i think of home.

11) i'm still not quite sure exactly why i want to be a nurse, but i like it so far, and i think it fits me.

12) i believed in santa claus until i was twelve.

13) favorites:

-season = fall

-food with ketchup = eggs

-ride at Disneyland = matterhorn after dark

-kids cereal = apple jacks/cinnamon toast crunch tie

-color = green

-candy = sour apple rings/starburst tie

-smell = new books

-ice cream = tiramisu

-flower = snapdragons

-holiday = christmas

-commerical = sony bravia...BRILLIANT! i loved this one, and this one too.

14) i almost never wear jewelry. i will wear necklaces and bracelets on rare occasion. i like the idea of rings, but i always lose them. i hate earrings and wearing pearls with fierce indignance. you wear them.

15) i failed my first driving test, and i took another one at a different dmv the next day and passed.

16) i had a really happy childhood, and i don't say it enough, but i'm grateful beyond words and i love my family with all my heart. :)

so i tagged people already, yay emie and elaine! one person i'm retagging....aimiface. do this!

i must be in california

i am updating to appease the blog gods! well...mostly emie. :P (i've also realized my blog is really kinda serious...sorry about that!)

summer has been spectacularly lazy so far. i spend much of my time with nonsensical things, like shopping, guitar hero, downloading music, surfing the net, watching dramas, watching tv, sleeping at odd hours, etc. things that i should be doing: reading, drawing, painting, cleaning, and getting my ass on required stuff for fall.

bridget jones time----
weight = 131 lbs. YES!
ice cream consumed = too much.
books read = 3 (kitchen, persuasion, pain: the fifth vital sign)
shopping results = 3 dresses, 2 belts, 1 oxford, 1 pair leggings, 1 pair sandals, 1 pair boots, 1 pair shorts, 1 pair sunglasses. (i think that's it. i think.)
room status = closet and desk area, organized chaos. meaning, i think it's clean. you might not.
in-n-out visits = 4.
temporary body art = 1 (blues clues ducky on hip, BUT! i have unopened batman temporary tattoos, courtesy of anna...)
guitar hero status = trying desperately to pass six and knights of cydonia on hard mode.

stories =


fourth of july was good...i went to katie's house for a BBQ/birthday party for kevin, her boyfriend. i was dreading it...it was the first time i'd see my friends from high school (excluding catherine, she was out of town) this summer, and i was nervous as fuck. but i got there, and i felt kind of silly for worrying so much. conversation was okay, and we went over to my house to do fireworks since katie was worried that the cops would stop them over in monrovia. fireworks were great, as always...who doesn't enjoy being a pyro and watching the neighbors' illegal fireworks? after megan and marlena left around 11ish, katie, kevin and i hung out just talking for a while. it really wasn't bad. apart from katie talking about their wedding. @_@

i bit the bullet and went to visit my old dojo. it was a really strange feeling. michael came with me, to help alleviate some awkwardness...i dunno if it helped, but i was glad he was there. :) shihan robert looked very amused and actually stopped the class to come over and chat. the whole experience, aside from jon trying to get me out on the mat and the constant prodding me about coming back to classes for the summer, was pretty surreal.

7/12/08-

i went to huntington beach with tiffany and anna, and we went super early to reserve a pit. later on, a bunch of people i used to hang out with at church came by, and we had a really fun day hanging out, swimming (anna and i got caught in a rip tide by accident...oops...!), watching these guys who were in an open RV just oiling themselves and flexing for girls THE ENTIRE DAY, playing touch football (i was elected team captain, no idea why, but my team won, woo!) and then we had a bonfire and smores. i got utterly sunburnt...i now resemble a raccoon and it totally sucks!! but the good thing is, i definitely got a little tan, so yay for skin cancer! hahaha. oh! these crazy ass people a couple of pits away started jump-roping with a fire jump-rope...it was so painful to watch! and other than the sunburning, it was a really really fun day!

THE DARK KNIGHT-
the lines were unbelievable, but totally worth it!!! lol. my only complaint was that christian bale was completely overshadowed by the villain's characters, most obviously heath ledger! (speaking of christian bale...arrested for assault = WTF????) i have never thought that the joker was anything more than a harmless nuisance of a pussy, but heath ledger's portrayal...it was terrifying. and so so brilliant. i read this article after watching it, they said that his voice was the lovechild of daffy duck, marlon brando, and hannibal lector. spot on! the BEST was when he slammed that guys face onto the pencil. [will put up pics soon]

7/19/08-
i was supposed to have a belated birthday party with anna and tiffany (anna's is june 3) and so i went over to anna's, but tiff couldn't make it, so anna and i just had a chill day, swimming, watching tv, pizza, cake and presents, and mall. excellent birthday, i must say!

7/22/08-
michael called about a brand new show, so he picked me up and we went to the roxy and it was a really awesome show! it's been so long since i went to a show where no one was being stupid and shoving people. the guys playing (brian bonzo, kevin devine, and jesse lacey) were super nice, and they kept saying how respectful the crowd was, and how grateful they were. they all played with each other, and it was just a really cool experience. we went to canters afterwards, drank a shit ton of coffee, and then met up with joseph and played some rock band, and then we watched michael play metal gear til like, 4 in the morning. i was falling asleep when they dropped me off, but when i got home, i was wide awake, so i went running instead.

7/25/08-
anna called me and asked if i wanted to go to a kickback that a guy we went to elementary school was having. so i told my parents i was "sleeping over" at her house, and we went to the party, which ended up as...just a kickback. hahahaha...there was a bonfire, smores, and ice cream. and video games, pool, and darts. and two six packs of bitch beer, for like, 15 people. HAHAHAHA! it was fun anyways, and then we went back to anna's house, and stayed up til 5:30 just talking and talking. we wanted to wake up at 1, but ended up sleeping til 3ish....gahhh....!

7/30/08-
today, i'm going to see the body worlds 3 exhibit (kind of like bodies the exhibit) at the california science center with my aunt, my dad, and my mom. i love the california science center, so i'm super excited! and friday, i'm supposed to meet up with the otter pops (katie, marlena, catherine, and megan) and alex and maybe michael to go to the beach. in other news: i absolutely cannot wait for aimi to get here!!! i'm excited to go to canada! and i'm ridiculously excited to get back to seattle! ^_________^

OOBLECK [the sequel]

so heard something new early saturday morning. the morning after my birthday. something even more enormous than last time. and the funny thing is, last time, after mentally vowing to keep my mouth shut, i find that everyone and their mother knew after all...so ironically funny. but this time, i know that i'm the only one. and i know that this time, it's going to stay that way. (with all that is in my power anyways).


i feel like throwing up.


and the worst part about it all? it's still oobleck. still oobleck. nothing has influenced either liquid or solid. absolutely nothing. i have said many times that i don't know what to do. not only has this statement never, in my entire life, been more true, but more than that; i don't know what to do with myself. i don't know what to do with my thoughts, with my heart. i don't know how to handle myself. i don't know how to begin.

OOBLECK

so i heard something today. something HUGE. so huge, so enormous that i can hardly keep from spontaneously combusting. i wanted to tell someone right away. but the more i thought about it, i won't be able to prove it, it's not really any of my business, and what would it accomplish anyways? everyone assumes as much already...so i decided to keep it to myself. for the most part anyways. it took a lot of self-control not to breathe a word of it, even to people i believe i can trust not to tell, or even those who i know wouldn't really have any way to spread it around effectively, even if they told people. but that's beside the point i guess. what the more pressing issue really is...what do i do with what i know?

to me, this is the most solid thing i have heard so far. at least, solid at that nice, cornstarch and water mixture state. oobleck. it all depends on surface tension from now on, and it can turn solidly solid from here on out, or back to liquid that slides through your fingers. do i use this knowledge to apply more surface tension? or do i sit back and let it be what it wants to be, now later, or maybe never? do i let it sit to evaporate, or to congeal? i don't know.

i fell like i've been waiting for something like this for far too long. and now that it's here, i have no idea on what to do. do i prod at it and increase surface tension? or do i believe it to be fixed at either solid or liquid? the more i think about it, the sillier this gets. i feel like exploding. and yet, i've decided i won't say anything to anyone. but i wish i knew. i wish so so so badly that i knew, so that i could get a grip and leave it be at last.

i wish i had veritaserum.

1

this is my first blog. ever. a little surprising, since i write a great deal...but mostly i keep it to myself instead of posting it for the world wide web. not that the world wide web gives too much of a shit about a wee little blog like this. nevertheless, on a passing fancy, i have taken the plunge into the taboo world of blogging...well, taboo for a journal writer like myself...and it's more than a little nerve-wracking. what am i supposed to write on this all-important-self-defining first post?

ummmm....maybe a good idea would be to post a light subject, like, for example, the metaphor for my life. hahahaha! (oh don't fret, it was a class assignment, and its an interesting read...) here goes!

"Charles Kingsley once stated, "All the ingenious men, and all the scientific men, and all the imaginative men in the world could never invent, if all their wits were boiled into one, anything so curious and so ridiculous as the lobster." Lobsters are invertebrates that possess hard, protective exoskeletons. They must molt in order to grow, shedding their exoskeletons then eating the shed skeleton after molting. Lobsters grow throughout their lives, and can live up to 100 years. Because a lobster lives in a murky environment at the bottom of the ocean, its vision is poor, and it uses its antennae as sensors. The lobster is fundamentally a scavenger; and in the proper sense of the word spiritual man is a scavenger enabled to salvage and make useful every item of experience. The sign of the lobster on family crests is a symbol of great strength and power in gripping and holding. It was also thought of as the enemy to serpents, and thus portrays temperance with the serpent associated with sin. In tarot cards, the lobster is a sign of cycles, regeneration, and protection.

To me, the basis of real living is utilizing to the fullest every element in the experience. At each stage of growth, one must pick up all the shreds of his or her life. The process is seen in natural form as it goes to seed in the memories. In summary of my life, each time I’ve grown, I’ve molted my old skin, and eaten it, making it a part of me, of who I am. I am a scavenger searching for what my purpose is and what my passion is. And I intend to make every bit of my experiences useful, those past, and those to come."

that should be good for now. more to come, obviously...

oh, and p.s. i have absolutely no grip...but would like to have some.