first things first, i have an interview for a residency in washington dc. it's on sept 24th, and i'm flying out for a day. i told my parents once i got the confirmation email about it, and surprise of all surprises, they were both REALLY SUPPORTIVE and really excited about it. i feel like i'm in inception or something and i'm going to wake up somewhere crazy, because they've been kind of been pushing for me to go back to california this whole time. and so this is all very very exciting, especially since my girl natalie got the job!! it definitely has been a big reassurance that she's going through the same thing and that there's a possibility we might do this together! (i am trying to squeeze out all the silver linings i can!) but at the same time, it's absolutely TERRIFYING. hauling ass to the east coast? if i get the job, i have to leave seattle in two weeks and adjust to a completely new city all over again. as everyone keeps telling me, this is the best fucking time for me to pick up and just leave and experience something new and different, but thinking about leaving everyone and everything i've come to know and love here...well, it's incredibly sad and i can't even begin to process any of that yet.
next, i had a mini interview for another residency at providence hospital in everett. it was just a 5 minute meet and greet info session sort of thing, and so i'm waiting to hear back from them as to whether i can move on to a real interview. i think i did well, and the hospital sounds/looks fantastic, they're doing a lot of construction and opening a new campus, and the residency program is good too. this is sort of on the back burner as compared to DC, but god...i guess it's still on the table, and when push comes to shove, i don't know which one i would rather pick. both programs are good, but there's a good possibility that i would be able to start in critical care with everett, which is eventually what i want to do. the only thing is...do i want to be an hour north of seattle by myself?
so, both of these things came up so suddenly, and even though nothing has actually happened, my mind just started getting ahead of itself, and everything just seemed so overwhelming and unbearable. i keep saying this, but i keep feeling like i'm just counting chickens before they hatch...all these half baked plans that have a very real possibility of not going through. i feel silly for all these little panics i've been having, just periods of utter doubt in myself...i think because i'm feeling so on pause right now, like i'm waiting for my life to start, because there really isn't much that's grounding me. everything is temporary, a weird transitional and existential patch. and i dunno if it's this office job or whatever, but i feel so trapped at the same time, like all my future is going to consist of is staying in the lines, paying off loans and building up a 401k, and getting 2 weeks of vacation a year. my own little boring slice of the american dream pie. and then i die. it's all very depressing...mostly because it's true. i just feel so disillusioned and disenchanted with this lifestyle that so many people just seem to accept. like i'm not allowed to do anything but these things, because it would be irresponsible. i dunno. rambling.
next, i had a mini interview for another residency at providence hospital in everett. it was just a 5 minute meet and greet info session sort of thing, and so i'm waiting to hear back from them as to whether i can move on to a real interview. i think i did well, and the hospital sounds/looks fantastic, they're doing a lot of construction and opening a new campus, and the residency program is good too. this is sort of on the back burner as compared to DC, but god...i guess it's still on the table, and when push comes to shove, i don't know which one i would rather pick. both programs are good, but there's a good possibility that i would be able to start in critical care with everett, which is eventually what i want to do. the only thing is...do i want to be an hour north of seattle by myself?
so, both of these things came up so suddenly, and even though nothing has actually happened, my mind just started getting ahead of itself, and everything just seemed so overwhelming and unbearable. i keep saying this, but i keep feeling like i'm just counting chickens before they hatch...all these half baked plans that have a very real possibility of not going through. i feel silly for all these little panics i've been having, just periods of utter doubt in myself...i think because i'm feeling so on pause right now, like i'm waiting for my life to start, because there really isn't much that's grounding me. everything is temporary, a weird transitional and existential patch. and i dunno if it's this office job or whatever, but i feel so trapped at the same time, like all my future is going to consist of is staying in the lines, paying off loans and building up a 401k, and getting 2 weeks of vacation a year. my own little boring slice of the american dream pie. and then i die. it's all very depressing...mostly because it's true. i just feel so disillusioned and disenchanted with this lifestyle that so many people just seem to accept. like i'm not allowed to do anything but these things, because it would be irresponsible. i dunno. rambling.
finally....i got an email from the supervisor on my senior prac floor at swedish ICU, and she said that they were going to open a couple positions soon, and to apply and let her know so she can flag my name for the recruiter...applied for that today, and cannot believe the ridiculous timing! i emailed her weeks ago about any openings, and of all times, now is when i get an 'in' to swedish.
shit is just getting too real, too fast.
