whoa. so...here's my film debut. as a healer. HAHA!
the weird part is...i'm a bigger star than jesse david. :O
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Sunday, November 1, 2009
i should tell you i'm disaster
hey. happy first of november/all saints day/dia de los muertos!
this is kind of a test post...it seems like blogger hasn't been showing that i'm posting? well...i'm still here, haha.
last weekend, i went to a support group for my addiction studies class (this quarter i'm taking intro to drug and alcohol addiction - it's kind of fun to walk into class and start talking about heroin and crack).
i walked up madison to an open, gay narcotics anonymous meeting and i wasn't expecting much. i was listening to rent, mentally singing along to "i should tell you". i followed a man through the door, mentally singing along: “i should tell you i'm disaster”. we walked up the stairs to the third floor, and into a meeting of nothing I expected. there were a handful of men chatting, milling around, grabbing coffee, some sitting and lost in their thoughts. i meekly approached a man sitting behind a table, verified that the meeting was open, and that i was in the right place. i was fleetingly relieved of my anxiety, as i had tried another meeting earlier in the week to no success. that is, until my dreaded inevitable awkwardness that i was actually now in a room full of strangers that i knew to be addicts reared its ugly head. i shook it off nonetheless – these men kindly acknowledged me, but did not ask anything of me or why i was there. i felt neither accepted nor rejected, so i settled in and prepared to be the silent observer, a sort of elephant in the room.
the topic of the NA meeting was "principles before personalities". in NA there are 12 steps just like in AA, and there are also 12 traditions. the twelfth tradition states that "anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities". the meeting focused on judgment of other people, how universal it is, and yet, how it causes damage to both ourselves and to others. the things that were said there in that room were supposed to help people in their personal recoveries. but the things that were said there just struck me and left me with a lot to think about.
i judge people all the time. it's a reflex...when caught in unfamiliar territory, or even all too familiar territory, the first thing i do is assess. i think it's gotten out of control, and i think that too many times, i can't see the persons for the people. because what they look like got in the way, or their clothes...or the things they do...or the things they say. i don't know if this makes sense to anyone, but just putting what i've been thinking about out there.
so, the main reason for this post was to explain that i needed to change the name of my tumblr, and this is what i came up with...because it needed to be different from what's in here. i should tell you i'm disaster. it's a reminder to myself of the story i told, and hopefully some of the stuff there speaks to you. at least...i hope you find a bit of a story there.
this is kind of a test post...it seems like blogger hasn't been showing that i'm posting? well...i'm still here, haha.
last weekend, i went to a support group for my addiction studies class (this quarter i'm taking intro to drug and alcohol addiction - it's kind of fun to walk into class and start talking about heroin and crack).
i walked up madison to an open, gay narcotics anonymous meeting and i wasn't expecting much. i was listening to rent, mentally singing along to "i should tell you". i followed a man through the door, mentally singing along: “i should tell you i'm disaster”. we walked up the stairs to the third floor, and into a meeting of nothing I expected. there were a handful of men chatting, milling around, grabbing coffee, some sitting and lost in their thoughts. i meekly approached a man sitting behind a table, verified that the meeting was open, and that i was in the right place. i was fleetingly relieved of my anxiety, as i had tried another meeting earlier in the week to no success. that is, until my dreaded inevitable awkwardness that i was actually now in a room full of strangers that i knew to be addicts reared its ugly head. i shook it off nonetheless – these men kindly acknowledged me, but did not ask anything of me or why i was there. i felt neither accepted nor rejected, so i settled in and prepared to be the silent observer, a sort of elephant in the room.
the topic of the NA meeting was "principles before personalities". in NA there are 12 steps just like in AA, and there are also 12 traditions. the twelfth tradition states that "anonymity is the spiritual foundation of all our traditions, ever reminding us to place principles before personalities". the meeting focused on judgment of other people, how universal it is, and yet, how it causes damage to both ourselves and to others. the things that were said there in that room were supposed to help people in their personal recoveries. but the things that were said there just struck me and left me with a lot to think about.
i judge people all the time. it's a reflex...when caught in unfamiliar territory, or even all too familiar territory, the first thing i do is assess. i think it's gotten out of control, and i think that too many times, i can't see the persons for the people. because what they look like got in the way, or their clothes...or the things they do...or the things they say. i don't know if this makes sense to anyone, but just putting what i've been thinking about out there.
so, the main reason for this post was to explain that i needed to change the name of my tumblr, and this is what i came up with...because it needed to be different from what's in here. i should tell you i'm disaster. it's a reminder to myself of the story i told, and hopefully some of the stuff there speaks to you. at least...i hope you find a bit of a story there.
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